Miracles: Out of the Dark

lightatendoftunnel

Mark 10:27- Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God

It wasn’t too long ago when I witnessed how God will move in your life. I found myself in a really dark place in life. The relationship I was in was very unhealthy.  For some reason I could not see my way out.  I didn’t have enough fight in me anymore. I would look in my children’s eyes and I felt as though I had failed them as a mother.

I began to pray to God to help me and my children find a way out. The very next morning I woke up and God did something that I would never have imagined. He showed me my life and asked me to allow him to lead. He told me that it wouldn’t be easy but to trust him. The next week every event that occurred was exactly what God had shown me.

I made the decision that I wanted and needed to be set free from my relationship. I stepped out on faith. I didn’t tell anyone except my immediate family that I was going to leave the state and go back home. Being led by the spirit I packed up as many bags as possible with the help of my mother with items for me and my children. I made sure I had all of my identification for my trip back home in my wallet. I waited for my ex to leave the house that was my time to break free.

We loaded up the car and the kids and headed to the airport. As I pulled up to the airport I began to reach for my identification.  Suddenly I realized my I.D. had been removed. I began crying and told my mother to go ahead without me and take the kids back to my home state. My mother looked at me and said, “no, you are getting on this plane.”

I began looking for my driver’s license with the help of an airport worker.  After looking for what seemed like a life time but was perhaps 15 minutes I started to lose hope. My phone beeped and it was my ex began to calling me. I didn’t answer. My mother came out of the airport with three airline tickets for me and my children. I asked her how is this possible, because I never showed my i.d. to the agent.

The check-in agent, the other airport employee’s all came up to me and said you will be okay. I got to the security check point and didn’t have anything to show who I was. They asked for a birth certificate, social security card, or i.d. which I didn’t have. The agent talked to the other airport employees. He turned to me and said, ” young lady I want you and your children to take train G…to that midnight train to glory.”

I went through security and got on the train. I walked up to the gate and the door was closed. The gate agent said, “we have been waiting for you all.” The door was opened.  This is something that never happens.  My children and I walked onto the airplane. I found my seat and I just began to cry. I felt like I was beginning to see the light. I arrived in the next city for my layover. I sat on the plane and realized I needed to switch planes.  As soon as I walked off the plane to get to the next gate (which was quite a ways) a woman driving an airport transport saw me and my kids. She looked at the man that was already riding and said “something in my spirit is telling me I have to pick this woman and her children up and take them on to their gate.”

I looked over at her in disbelief. She said, “Yes, you sweetheart get on.” I got to the gate and boarded my plane to go home. When I got home I didn’t have a penny to my name and only weighed 98 lbs at 5’8″, but I was filled with the Holy Spirit. When I look back over that experience I just begin to thank God for being with me every step of the way.

Dear God,

Thank you for waking me up this morning and allowing me to share my testimony with people. I want to lift up any person that may be going through tough times right now in prayer.  This prayer is for them.  “Father God step in right now in the name of Jesus.  Let a peace about the situation flood over them.  Let them know this is a temporary issue and the brighter day is coming.  Keep your eye on the prize!  Amen.

“Weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning.”

 

Grief: Mending A Broken Heart

Psalms 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 When I think of someone grieving, I think of the loss of life. I often think of my grandparents passing away when I was in my young twenties. The grieving process was very hard for me then. I still grieve them but in a different way.

I also know what it’s like to grieve a living person. For years I grieved my father who is very much alive, but he was not present for most of my life. As a child it was really hard for me to understand. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to make him not want a relationship with me. I prayed to God for answers, but it felt like I was not being heard.

 Although I didn’t recognize it as an adolescent, I sought the approval of boys and men who were in my life.  As some might say, I had “daddy” issues. In hope that things would change, I went to college in the same state where my father lived.  I knew being that close to him our relationship would improve. However, our relationship remained very strained, which just made the situation more frustrating.

 Now, as I think about it I realize  that for most of my life I cycled through four of the five stages of grief for most of my life – denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. At age 29, I had a sharp realization that the void of not having my father present continued to have an enormous affect on every area of my life. I longed to get to the point where the memories of my father weren’t associated with anger and sadness.

 To do this I knew I had to do some things differently – starting with my prayers. I changed my prayer from seeking answers to praying that I would accept my father just where he was at in his life. Not where I wanted him to be.  

As I prayed this prayer the void of not having my biological father in my life began to be filled by my heavenly father. He reminded me that he would “never leave me nor forsake me”. I began to find inner peace and got to the fifth stage of grieving which is acceptance.  I’m proud to say that with the help of my heavenly father, my dad and I have a relationship today.

 Dear God,

Thank you for always being there in my time of need; giving me a sense of comfort as I grieve. Please allow me to continue to grow in my spiritual relationship with You. I will always remember  to put you first no matter the circumstance.

Amen

Fear: Who do you run to?

2 Timothy 1:7 – For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Sweaty palms, your heart beating at a crazy rate, feeling paralyzed in the moment, the urge to run, crying, or even screaming. These describe some of the many things that may come with fear. I know all of us have dealt with fear at some point in our lives. The question is who do we run to when we are faced with fear?  

When I was younger I ran to my mother, grandparents, or a sibling to get the reassurance that everything was going to be okay.  Now that I am older I sometimes will turn to my husband for reassurance. Then there are those times when the reassurance of a loved one just doesn’t work. 

A couple of months ago, I went through a time like this when I could not get the feeling that things were going to be okay. I had a flare up with my multiple sclerosis (MS).  My eyes were impacted. As a result of my MS, I have something called optic neuritis. So, literally over the course of a day, I lost my eye sight in one eye. My worst fear had come to life. 

I began to cry and realized I couldn’t even cry out of one eye. I grew frustrated and sick to my stomach. My family tried to give me words of comfort, but I didn’t find comfort. It was not until I turned to God and began to pray that I found comfort. I began to feel the warm embrace of the Holy Spirit across my face and in my heart. I knew that my sight would be restored. 

I went to my eye doctor and they told me this flare up had caused permanent damage to my eye. I was not sure what that meant. I immediately thought that I would be blind in one eye forever. Again, myriad emotions began to rise in me. I had to catch myself before I was consumed with fear. 

I took my power back! I prayed to God again and began to feel a sense of peace. I was reminded that God had not given me the spirit of fear, but he gives us the spirit of peace. Fear is the one thing the enemy has. He wants to try and destroy us and make us respond to life’s challenges with a range of emotions not grounded in our faith.

Dear God,

Thank for You allowing me to see another beautiful day. I appreciate all the wonderful support  my loved ones give me. I ask that You help me turn to You in my time of need. Help me to always remember You and not to give in to the spirit of fear, but embrace power, love, and self-discipline.

Amen

 

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Purpose: The fire within

red rocks

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Why is it that when you tell some people your dreams or something you want to achieve, they make a point to tell you how it will never work? Too often, I have let it get under my skin when people close to me tell me that it won’t work. I now realize I have allowed people like that in my life way too much. Maybe they respond like that because they can’t imagine how they would be able to meet he goal I’ve set for myself.

One thing I know about myself is that if I hear from others that I can’t, I will push to achieve whatever it is they say I can’t do. Often though, when I would hear my goal was not attainable, I myself started to believe it was not attainable. But when God was moving through these situations, there was a small voice inside of me that said, “Go after your dreams.”

For example when I was 6, doctors told me that running track would only make my juvenile rheumatoid arthritis worse. But I refused to let that stop me and I went on to qualify for the Junior Olympics at age 9. As a young adult, doctors told me that I would never be able to have children, but I knew in my heart that the God I serve would allow me to have a child. In time, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and went on to have two sons.

Other times I went after goals because people had told me what I wanted to do was stupid. Like for instance, because of my history as a sprinter and cheerleader, at one point when looking for a career change, I began to explore becoming a personal trainer. Someone who was in my life at the time kept telling me that I would not be smart enough to pass the certification test and made fun of the idea of me being a personal trainer. It motivated me to study hard, and I ended up getting 100% on my tests and became a certified personal trainer and nutritionist. And I found clients who I successfully trained for about a year. But when my life circumstances changed again, I realized I did not have a passion for being a personal trainer. Because it wasn’t my calling, I stopped pursuing it as a profession. The funny thing was, after the person who was my biggest doubter, my #1 critic, saw that I was able to do it, they decided to try to become a personal trainer!

When I get excited about something, it’s like a fire has been lit within me. But I’ve learned that my fire tends to burn out when my motivation is not part of God’s plans. Proving people wrong should not be the fuel for my fire. Doing God’s will and following his purpose in my life should be what fuels my fire. I will share my testimony and hopefully it will touch other people’s lives. I will stop circling the base of the mountain and through God’s anointing, and in his time, one day I will make it to the top.

Dear God,

I just wanted to say thank you for allowing me to see another beautiful day.  I am grateful that I am getting the opportunity to do Your will. I ask that you stand with me today as I may run into people that may not see the vision you have for my life. I pray that I will not wavier in my faith in You and the plans You have for me.

Amen

Patience: Things are happening

 

Psalm 5:3 – In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

Patience has not always been one of my strongest qualities. You might also feel that way. Like have you ever prayed for something and just couldn’t wait? So you start working on your own behalf.

It might have been a relationship, job, or even a nice pair of shoes. Then when you get that man, job, or even those shoes…you find something is just a little off. Maybe the man that you met two months ago is not the one standing in your living room today. This man is mean and doesn’t think highly of you. Then you get the job and it’s nothing like what was written out for the job description. My favorite is those shoes that you just bought with your rainy day money. Your feet really hurt, I mean bad, and now you have put a bunion on your toe.

My point is, sometimes God is nowhere in the mix. If we just wait and allow God to move. He would supersede anything that we could have imagined.

Dear God,
I come to You today most humbly and graciously. Giving You all the praise and glory for all the many blessings I have received in my life. This week please cover me with the spirit of patience and allow me to share that with others. I know that You are working on my behalf.

Amen

Self-care: Don’t forget your hat

Isaiah 66:13 – As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you

Do you ever have a day where you just feel depleted? You’ve given everything you got and you just can’t give anymore. Yesterday was one of those days. If I could’ve just locked myself in my room, curled up in a ball and cried, I would have.

All three of my children are recovering from strep throat, my daughter is crying because she didn’t get the lead role in her school play, my middle child is having a meltdown about screen time, my husband is stressed about finances, and my youngest son has taken up bug eating for the day. Meanwhile I’m trying to help with homework, prepare dinner, clean the house, and find a quiet place in my house so I  can continue writing.

For whatever reason, I’m always able to go in my bag of uplifting quotes or funny jokes and lift up my family’s spirits in a time of personal crisis. My quotes and jokes ensure everyone is happy, feeling good, and restored to their harmonious selves. I just don’t know why I couldn’t do that for myself yesterday.

As a mother, I feel it’s very easy to put on my many hats throughout the day and forget to put on the most important hat, self-care.  I had to take a minute, to look in the mirror, and ask myself, when was the last day I had a ME day. Why is it I feel so guilty about spending money or time on myself?

I hear this same story too often in our society when it comes to women never getting enough time in the day for self.

So on this day, I send a hug, smile, and message to every woman. Whether you are a mother, a caregiver, or a single woman in this world trying to make a difference: remember, you are strong and powerful, an overcomer, beautiful inside and out, and God has a plan for you!

Dear God,

I want to say thank You for making me into the woman I am today. Allowing me to be a mother to my children and a wife to my husband. You keep me safe in Your arms when I feel I don’t have enough energy to continue. Please give me the discipline to practice self-care.  Please continue to give me the strength to persevere through life’s obstacles.

Amen