Psalms 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
When I think of someone grieving, I think of the loss of life. I often think of my grandparents passing away when I was in my young twenties. The grieving process was very hard for me then. I still grieve them but in a different way.
I also know what it’s like to grieve a living person. For years I grieved my father who is very much alive, but he was not present for most of my life. As a child it was really hard for me to understand. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to make him not want a relationship with me. I prayed to God for answers, but it felt like I was not being heard.
Although I didn’t recognize it as an adolescent, I sought the approval of boys and men who were in my life. As some might say, I had “daddy” issues. In hope that things would change, I went to college in the same state where my father lived. I knew being that close to him our relationship would improve. However, our relationship remained very strained, which just made the situation more frustrating.
Now, as I think about it I realize that for most of my life I cycled through four of the five stages of grief for most of my life – denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. At age 29, I had a sharp realization that the void of not having my father present continued to have an enormous affect on every area of my life. I longed to get to the point where the memories of my father weren’t associated with anger and sadness.
To do this I knew I had to do some things differently – starting with my prayers. I changed my prayer from seeking answers to praying that I would accept my father just where he was at in his life. Not where I wanted him to be.
As I prayed this prayer the void of not having my biological father in my life began to be filled by my heavenly father. He reminded me that he would “never leave me nor forsake me”. I began to find inner peace and got to the fifth stage of grieving which is acceptance. I’m proud to say that with the help of my heavenly father, my dad and I have a relationship today.
Thank you for always being there in my time of need; giving me a sense of comfort as I grieve. Please allow me to continue to grow in my spiritual relationship with You. I will always remember to put you first no matter the circumstance.